Molly Piper

This week I finished up the twins’ room! Now we just need two babies to come live in it!

Thanks to my small army of volunteers, here’s how it looks!

This is the girl crib:

This is the boy crib:

This is the boy dresser: (see, Jenny, I need your expert dot-placing help!!!)

Here’s the breakdown:

Jenna helped me sew the bumpers. She was the most patient person while I went from learning how to thread my sewing machine, to making my own bias tape, to finishing the final seam. We finished these bumpers a couple nights ago at 12:30am!

My friend Carol (who doesn’t have a blog) sewed the sheets with/for me. She’s a long-time friend of my husband’s family, and I’ve loved getting to know her through the years. Our times together are always special and really fun!

Abraham gave new life to two old dressers with his awesome paint job! I love how they turned out!

Jenny helped me with the vinyl transfer on the wall (“He gives”). Neither of us had ever done one before and it was kinda funny. She also did the dots over the red (girl) dresser. Everything she touches turns beautiful.

Danielle designed and ordered the “He gives” vinyl for me. She’s amazing.

If you look on the red dresser, you’ll see 3 little canvases. They were painted by my friend Andie. She made a second set for the other twin, but after we found out that Twin B was actually a boy, she offered to take them back and repaint them to look a little more boyish. She’s still working on the second set, and I’m so excited to see them (no pressure, Andie! I mean it!).

And also on the red dresser is a figure of a woman carrying two babies. That came from the amazing women at the Real Hope for Haiti Rescue Center, Licia and Lori! When my parents-in-law visited them a couple months ago, they gave this to them for me and told them that this type of figurine is very popular in the Haiti markets, but it was the first time they’d seen one with a woman holding 2 babies! Thank you, Licia & Lori and the whole Zachary clan. You all amaze me with your work and your hearts for people and God!

Now the countdown is ON! 3 more days!!!

Last night, Abraham and I went on a double-date with his parents. It was nice to have a relaxing conversation with them over dinner, especially knowing that it’ll be one of my last ones for a very long time.

After dinner, Abraham’s dad wanted to drive out to the suburbs to look at a treadmill he was thinking of buying from Craigslist. We ended up driving through a deluge on the way, which made the trip memorable and funny at times. Seriously, the wind was blowing so hard that the water laying on the street was moving uphill. Lightning and thunder were crashing everywhere around our little minivan.

With my trusty mother-in-law navigating, we arrived at this really nice suburban home and were greeted by a beautiful woman in her mid-late 30s (I’d guess). Dark brown hair, very fit, very smiley. She started demonstrating the treadmill for my father-in-law and things were going well. The rain had let up considerably so I got out of the van to go take a peek.

There’s no hiding at this point that I’m very, very pregnant, so we had a conversation about the obvious. She asked where I was delivering, and I told her. She perked right up, and asked who my doctor was, and I told her. When she heard my doctor’s name she just gushed and said, “I delivered my twins there. She was one of my doctors!” Then, kind of waving her hands in front of herself dismissively, she continued, “But I’m not even going to get into it with you.”

There was something she didn’t want to tell me because I was pregnant. So I just went ahead and told her: “One of the reasons she’s my doctor is because we had a full-term stillbirth in 2007. Dr. Sent-From-God (*not her actual name*) is my rock star doctor.”

Then she just opened right up. She told me about her twins who were born at 25 weeks back in 2002, after 6 weeks of her being in the hospital to try to save the pregnancy. One died soon after birth, and the other lived for a couple months before dying as well.

So there we were, two women standing in a suburban garage with real-life horror stories no one should ever have to tell. But I’m so glad we did. The differences between us were no longer there. We were just two women who’ve gone on living, even while we miss our children.

I was honored to be there, to hear the abridged version of her story. She asked that my father-in-law email her when our twins are born.

We drove away (treadmill in our possession) into a beautiful rainbow that had formed after the huge storm. I’m not kidding–it really happened. None of us had our cameras with us to take a picture (which is extremely rare if you know my mother-in-law).

It felt very profound and symbolic for me, though–terrible, blinding storms followed by a beautiful calm. I don’t know if this woman feels that same peace and calm in her soul. She mentioned “God’s plan” and “keeping the faith.” I was just touched by God’s special comfort to me after our interaction. It was like he was saying, “You’ve gone through horrific times, but there will also be repose. I cause grief, but I also show compassion.”

But even more than that, I felt just this utter sense of God’s presence, his plan, bringing me into this stranger’s garage. I was reminded once again that we never know what’s just below the surface, what trials others who we meet have faced. In some strange way it’s comforting, this crazy bond of suffering. We’ll meet each other in train stations, on airplanes, on the other side of the world, on the internet, at work. It reminded me to keep my eyes and ears and heart open.

I thought I’d fill you all in on what’s been movin’ and shakin’ with these babies!

I had another ultrasound on Monday morning and have some good things to share:

• Both babies were head-down! That means I should be able to have a normal delivery. That would be incredible, so please pray that they both stay head down. They said there’s still a chance that they could flip, but it’s kind of unlikely.
• Baby A was estimated at 5 pounds, 9 ounces and Baby B was estimated at 6 pounds, 5 ounces. They said that the ultrasound measurements can be off by a pound or more, so I have to hold that pretty loosely. But even if they’re off by a whole pound, the babies are growing well! This also means that I potentially already have over 11 pounds of baby right now.
• Both babies are moving well and their heart rates are very good.

I wish I had a couple pictures for this post, but the babies are growing so big that getting decent pictures of their faces is more and more difficult! It’s just a jumble of baby parts in there.

Update on Mom:

• My blood pressure is good.
• I’m not too terribly swollen.
• It’s excruciating to roll over at night and get up to go to the bathroom. It’s like my muscles just give up. At the worst times I have to wake Abraham to escort me to make sure I don’t fall.
• I’ve been having some help with the boys 2 mornings a week at home from a mother’s helper. She’s an 11-year-old friend of the family and she’s doing AMAZING! And one other morning a week, my friend from church takes the boys to her house for the morning. Having 3 of 5 days covered is helping a ton.
• I’m really sick of cheese sticks and granola bars.
• We’re still planning an induction for August 2, when I’ll be 36.5 weeks along. Due to the unexplained, full-term death in my history, my doctor feels this is the best course of action (and I trust her very much). When weighing near-term prematurity against full-term death, I feel very happy with our decision to go ahead and have them a little early. I know some of you won’t agree, but that’s where I feel at peace for the health and safety of my two babies.
• It’s possible that my body could decide it’s time before 36.5 weeks. They say that 50% of twins come by 35 weeks. I’m praying that everyone stays healthy and happy inside until August 2, though.
• Moving around is exhausting. We have very little on our calendar right now. I suppose that’s just preparing us for how little we’ll be able to do once they come!
• I think we’ve settled on both of their names! We’ve had the girl name for quite some time, but boy names were killing us! It feels good to have that mostly settled. A little suspense for ya!

Thanks for all of your prayers and encouragement! We are so thankful for the support!

When I was pregnant with my first, a good friend told me a funny way to know how close your due date is:

Look at the date on the milk carton.

When she was having her first baby, it was what officially freaked her out. She looked at the date on the milk and it was dated for after her due date!

I have since marked the coming of all my babies by noting the dates on the perishables. Thank you, Liz.

Today it was the milk. It’s dated for August 2nd (my official induction date). Here’s hoping we make the 2 gallons I bought stretch until then, because I’m not feeling the whole grocery shopping thing right about now!

The sour cream doesn’t turn until after August 12th. Hopefully our babies will be 10 days old by then!

Okay, I’m officially freaked out.

A couple months ago I was at my job as a Speech Pathologist at a local children’s hospital. One of my co-workers there has twins who are now in high school. We were talking about twins (of course), and her advice to me was:

Keep your toes pointing forward.

I laughed at the time, but realized today just how important that piece of advice has been for me! Any of us who have been pregnant, or any of us who’ve seen a woman who’s getting “close to her time” know this phenomenon. I’m talking about the tendency to waddle.

And, dang, it feels good to waddle when you’ve got a huge bowling ball on the front of you. Just point those toes right out to the 10 & 2 positions and get it over with!

I became aware of my waddling today as I made my way through the hospital for my 32-week non-stress test. I go for them every week, and every week the trek into the testing unit feels longer and longer. I realized as I walked down another looong hallway, “I’m totally waddling.”

So I pulled those toes inward, pointed them straight ahead and did my best to keep them that way the whole way out. It must’ve worked, because I was leaving, some man said aloud, “Wow!”

I know he was commenting on how poised and controlled I looked, not on my huge bowling ball of an abdomen. I just know that’s what he was marveling at.

Wow, that lady’s so purposeful in her movements. She’s so graceful. What? She’s pregnant??? But her toes were pointing straight ahead! Are you sure she was pregnant? I didn’t even notice.

So when it’s waaay to hot to be pregnant, and you feel the need to waddle, remember this:

Keep your toes pointing forward.

You’re welcome.

Yesterday was another ultrasound for the twins! They were so cute to see on the 4D ultrasound!

Here’s Twin A (our little girl): She is currently head-down and in first position to come out. If she stays this way (PLEASE pray that she does) then my chances of a normal delivery (meaning no C-section) are very good. It looks in the picture like her eyes are open, but they aren’t (trust me, I asked). The tech said that it was just the angle of the view that made it look like eyes were open.

And here is Twin B (our little boy): Yes, he is still a little boy. I was seriously just praying for no more surprises on gender. He was very cooperative about getting his picture taken the entire time, though he was moving around quite a bit. He is currently laying transverse right on top of his sister, and he’s breech. But they don’t think that’s a big deal, as long as Twin A stays head-down.

As for me: I feel pretty darn good, all things considered. I mean, I feel pregnant, but that’s to be expected at this point. I have to take a nap every afternoon or I won’t survive. I’m on a very aggressive iron supplement regimen, since my iron was low last week (and I’ve had iron issues before, especially after delivery). Hopefully getting more iron in my blood and marrow will help with the energy. Here’s a picture of me & Abraham taken last weekend:

[Photo via Jenny Rigney]

Please pray:

• that God would give us good, consistent helpers to be with us in the first few months.
• that both babies would be born healthy and whole.
• an excitement in our hearts that will grow and grow.
• a smooth transition to being a family of 6 (YIKES).

It’s not going to be long before I’m posting out-of-the womb pictures for everyone to see! I can’t believe it’s coming so soon! Thanks so much for praying and for sharing in this crazy journey with us.

Last Wednesday morning, at 8am, our twin pregnancy took another dramatic turn. First, let’s recap:

• First, I wasn’t expecting to be pregnant in the first place.
• Second, I found out I was having twins at an 18 week ultrasound (which actually ended up being changed to 16 weeks when they measured the babies). Most people know they’re having twins before that point in their pregnancy.
• Third, I found out they were two girls.

Ready for the next plot twist?

Well, turns out one of our twins is a boy.

Here’s a little window into how it went down:

Ultrasound tech asked me, “What were you told for gender???”

“Two girls,” I confidently answered.

“Oh no,” she said gently. “Twin B is a boy.”

“Are you SURE????” I asked over and over and over.

Anyway, you get the idea.

I spent the rest of the day in a stupor of confusion and disbelief. Literally, the day before, I had gone to a girl’s house who was getting rid of her twin girl clothes and bought a ridiculous amount of stuff from her. A couple weeks before that, I’d had a baby shower for twin girls. How could this be happening to me????

I lamented through the rest of the week and the weekend, mostly because I’d let myself get attached to the babies (even disciplined myself to attach to them) and now they weren’t what they were “supposed” to be. One of the things that just killed me about the whole thing was that when I had my original ultrasound, and they told me it was twins, then told me that Twin A was a girl, I was almost certain she was going to say Twin B was a boy, and I was totally cool with that. But I’ve spent the last two and a half months making myself slowly embrace these two little girls who I was told were coming into my life.

I went yesterday for my first non-stress test (which will now be a weekly event because of our history with a full-term unexplained stillbirth) and listened to their heartbeats. Then I had a visit with my regular, yet oh-so-amazing doctor. She and I pored over the pictures from my original ultrasound and the ones taken last week.

Now, my doctor has a reputation as pretty much never getting gender wrong–never. She said she didn’t believe the people who told her about my updated ultrasound. And when we looked at the pictures from 16 weeks, she said, “If someone else came in today with that same presentation at 16 weeks, I’d still say girl.” It really was that clear to her then. She and I worked through some of the emotions I’ve been feeling, and she of course was so sensitive and empathetic. It really was a good visit.

For some reason, hearing it from her settled it for me. I don’t feel confused anymore. I don’t think I understand, but I don’t feel confused. I don’t feel cheated anymore. I don’t feel like the butt of some cosmic joke anymore.

Instead, I’m starting to embrace the reality that I am the mother to twins–sister/brother twins. There are some things I’m still digesting and emotions I’m still processing. That’s to be expected. I have a lot of work to do now to get rid of some of these girl clothes and get some things for my son. I have some revisions to make to the grand plan of my life, but I feel confident about one thing:

LOVE.

I feel confident that God, in his love for me, will take me through this change. I feel confident that our son will be embraced just as fully as his sister would have been by the people who love us. I feel confident that, in my love for my son, I won’t always look at him and see “the girl he was supposed to be.” I feel confident that his siblings, in their love for him, will enfold him as just who he’s supposed to be–their brother. I feel confident that we will be in love with him.

So, if you want to greet our son, feel free to leave a comment. I want him to know the most sincere, heartfelt welcome from me as his mother, and I’m trusting God to get me to that place in my heart over the next 8-9 weeks (we’re talking induction at 36 weeks due to my history).

Please pray that this is the end of the drama, pregnancy-wise. My doctor and I even had some energy to joke around yesterday. She said, “I really hope all this drama early in your life means that you’ll just sail through later years, like the teenage years.” And we both laughed, knowing how unlikely that is. But here’s hoping, anyway.

I guess we’re not getting the super-cheesy Hollywood ending to our story. But a story isn’t much of a story without a few plot twists, right?

This little guy is Morrow John. Morrow is 21 months old, and has no idea what’s coming at him in August. He is my major priority right now as I near the home stretch of this pregnancy.

In a way his cluelessness is a blessing, because he’ll never remember his life without his two little sisters. But I also want to do what I can to nurture and care for him in one-on-one ways that make him feel safe and secure as we head into this major change.

Morrow loves to play at the park. Most of the time I’m too tired to take him, so it’s a special treat right now.

Morrow loves his friend “La-la.”

Morrow loves watermelon in a major way.

I’ve mentioned before that Morrow loves babies, and I know he’ll love his sisters. But I also want to cherish these moments with him as my baby. Yesterday I watched his naked behind streak down the dock at our friends’ lake and I just want to hold that memory in my heart forever. It was so beautiful.

So for now, I’m trying to prepare for this major future event but still live in the present of being mom to little Morrow Johnner.

A few weeks ago I posted about how I was feeling like I had a lot of stuff to do before twins can arrive in my home. I called it “The Twin-Time Time Crunch.” Well have some updates for you to rejoice with me over!

I told you that we needed to:

• Buy a mini-van: CHECK! Two weeks ago we became the proud owners of a Toyota Sienna! It’s perfect for what we were looking for, and it came at the exact right price. We couldn’t be happier about it! And I’m just glad to have it DONE!
• Get stuff: CHECK! Last week we still needed crib mattresses, a double stroller, crib bedding, and diapers. Well, God seriously provided for those things (and sooo much more) at the baby shower this past weekend. I was blown away: 2 crib mattresses, a gift card for the double stroller (it’s currently sold out at Babies R Us), and TONS of diapers! Also, my friend Carol & I started sewing the crib sheets last Friday, and as her shower gift to me, she’s going to finish them–Alleluia! Oh, aaand I got my double nursing pillow last week too. That thing is like a stinkin’ SHIP it’s so huge!
• Get a bunk bed for the boys’ room: CHECK! Our beautiful new bunk bed came last week! Phil Carlson built it, and it’s amazing (which is pretty typical of all things Phil builds). Orison is now a very eager top-bunk dweller, and Morrow LOVES to run into the room yelling, “Big bed!” He hasn’t slept in there yet, though, because…
• Transition Morrow & Orison to the same room: Not yet. Haven’t done that yet, the main reason being that Morrow sleeps so well that I don’t want Orison waking him up early!
• Set up the cribs and decorate the girls’ room: HALF CHECK! The cribs are assembled, thanks to my awesome husband. My best friend Danielle is visiting this week, so I’m hoping her designer eye will assist me in making the room come together. I don’t really do a “nursery,” but I want things to be situated.

I’m so thankful for God’s provision for us during this crazy time. With twins it feels like there’s twice as much to do, but half the time to do it (since you end up getting so huge and immobile by the end). I had really hoped and prayed that all the “big things” would be accomplished by 28 weeks. I am so in awe of this prayer being answered.

I’m still feeling pretty good, all things considered. I’m 26 weeks, but at the doctor last week I measured to 32 weeks! YIKES! I also need to sleep every day. The afternoons are my sacred time to rest. Orison has gotten really good at giving that time to me by spending time on his bed with books or music, and then sometimes, say, 3 out of 5 days, falling asleep! The afternoons used to be my blogging time. So, you can deduce why things have been so quiet here.

Sometimes I can’t even believe this is happening. Even though I’m 26 weeks into it, I still can’t believe it. It’s usually a good sense of disbelief (like the pinch-me kind), but sometimes it’s an overwhelmed, scared disbelief. Our life is about to get really nuts!

Thank you all for praying for this pregnancy. I appreciate your love and prayers so much. I’m really hoping to get a picture or two up here this week so you can see what’s been going on!

I’ve written a little bit since finding out about the twins about how I’m afraid to hope.

One thing I’ve relied on a lot since losing Felicity is letting others hope for me. Seeing their faith and hope helps. It really does.

I think I’ve heard my friend Barbie say over a hundred times during our friendship, “I have great hope for you, Molly.” She’s said it so many times and in so many instances that the tone of her voice, the look on her face are burned into my memory. I need that mental tape to play for me often.

One of the ways I’m exercising hope during this pregnancy is allowing my dear friends to throw a baby shower for me. I was super hesitant about it for a number of reasons:

• I’ve only been to one baby shower since Felicity died. I don’t really do the baby shower circuit anymore.
• This is my 4th pregnancy–who has a shower for their 4th pregnancy? I thought people would think it was weird.
• I didn’t want to get excited (or get a bunch of gifts) and then have them die.

But…I’m moving forward in it. My best friend Danielle designed invitations for the event, and I love them. Even just seeing evidence that this is really happening helped me get excited. Plus, Danielle will be in town for the shower, so I’m thrilled about that!

Here’s the invite that made me so happy:

This design just oozes hope to me, for some reason. Maybe because the person who designed it designed it with deep knowledge of what I was/am opening myself up to in going ahead with a baby shower.

I have no idea how I will fare as the guest of honor. It feels very foreign and scary.

But I’m thankful that there are people willing to come around me and rally my heart in hope and faith and love for my children, no matter how this pregnancy turns out. I need their strength when I feel like I have none. I need their excitement when all I have is fear. I need their joy when sorrow is pressing in.

I need their hope, because hope is a beautiful thing.

*          *          *

Also, if there was any way to transport all of my supportive, amazing readers into this baby shower, I would do it. So many of you have shared your hope and excitement with me through these years. I would love to see your faces around the circle in that room. Consider yourselves all invited, at least in my heart.