Dec 19, 2011
Joy (and Grief) and Joy at Christmas
I heard this song the other night for the first time. There were more than a few tears.
I recommend it if:
- it feels like the holidays suck
- you’re battling for joy at Christmas
- you’re in the throes of a grief journey
- you know someone on a grief journey
Maybe you fit into all those categories.
So if you want a good cry at Christmas (I personally love crying) go ahead and hit play. If you want to wait til you can have that good, cleansing cry, wait til later, light a candle or ten, and then hit play.
I love the sentiment of the song–we’re gonna grieve. We’re gonna grieve hard at times. And then there’s still going to be joy for some things, too.
That’s the epitome of the holidays if you’re in the early days or months of a grief journey. There are times when it’s just hard. Christmas? That time of family togetherness? What if you’re family isn’t together and never will be this side of heaven? And what of the warm, fuzzy feelings? What if there are none of those? What if they’re further off and farther between than they’ve ever been?
I know some of you who are experiencing your first Christmas without your son or daughter. They should be there. They should be gathered up in your number, bundled into coats and carted off to Christmas Eve service. They should be whisked off to Grandma & Grandpa’s house and endlessly adored by all privileged enough to know them. That’s why it hurts, right? They should be there.
We’ve had four Christmases now, and I still cry. And somehow there’s still joy at Christmas.
There’s Still My Joy (by Indigo Girls)
I thought I’d post the lyrics here too so you can read along:
I took my tree down to the shore
The garland, and the silver star
To find my peace, and grieve no more
To heal this place inside my heartOn every branch I laid some bread
And hungry birds filled up the sky
They rang like bells around my head
They sang my spirit back to lifeOne tiny child can change the world
One shining light can show the way
Through all my tears, for what I’ve lost
There’s still my joy
There’s still my joy
For Christmas dayThe snow comes down on empty sand
There’s tinsel moonlight on the waves
My soul was lost, but here I am
So this must be amazing graceOne tiny child can change the world
One shining light can show the way
Beyond these tears for what I’ve lost
There’s still my joy
There’s still my joy
For Christmas day
There’s still my joy for Christmas day
Many hugs and prayers for you.
My mom is celebrating her 41st Christmas without my sister and quickly following on 12/29 would have been my sister’s 42nd birthday. My mom still cries. We sill miss her. She should be here.
God bless all the families missing sons, daughters, sisters, brothers…you’re exactly right, Molly. They should be there.
This will be my 16th Christmas…and I still cry. She should be here…
This will be my first Christmas…
Thank you for sharing this.
this is our first Christmas without our baby boy…and today is 11 months to the day that we lost him. Thanks for this.
The Christmas season is sooo hard. And yet, I still feel guilty for not being daily overflowing with “Christmas Cheer”. I am becoming more and more aware of the burdens I put on myself with these unreal expectations….my husband is so helpful with helping me see these pitfalls, he reminds me that it would be an extreme rarity for an entire month to pass without any bad days, so why do I expect that in December, especially with the increased stress and workload?
Thank you, as always, for sharing this. Love.
Dec 27th will mark 5 years without our daughter and Christmas seems so much harder this year. 5 years is so long and yet it seems like just yesterday that she defeated her cancer and went to heaven.
She should be here with us….as a Senior in high school preparing for college.
You’re so right, Molly. I’ve never heard this song before, but it definitely sums many of my feelings up so well. It’s so hard to believe this will be our 5th Christmas. It’s easier, but it will never be the same.
This is beautiful. There are a few people in my life facing grief this Christmas — sharing this with them.
This will also be our first Christmas without our baby girl. Thank you for always being real Molly. You are a blessing. May God continue to hold our families in the palm of His hand. Christmas in heaven will be even more beautiful for us all. Praying for you.
Thank you for sharing this for all the ones grieving the loss of someone special in their lives. May we remember there is hope in Christ!
Thank you Molly for reminding me that There still is J*O*Y for Christmas Day.
Missing him for 10 Christmas’s now, even though his body is here.
This is beautiful and so well put. thanks Molly. Love you.
I am thankful to stop here, listen and go to the place that isn’t healed within my heart for my baby boy, born into heaven on his due date almost 2 years ago. Thank you for sharing.
This will be my 1st, 2nd and 3rd Christmas after the loss of someone I love. I am especially praying for my cousin’s family. this is their first without my cousin after losing her battle with cancer in January. She was only 40. I know her parents are missing her. Thank you so much for this post.
Precious grief, and holy comfort, makes Christ shine brightly. Thank you for sharing what I could only hope to share with those I know who grieve. You are a blessing, Molly. Your mother’s love is reaching countless others. Your daughter is so proud of you, I am sure.
Barb
Thank you for this. This will be our second Christmas without our Katherine. It will be 16 months without her on Christmas Eve.
I do not feel as alone in my feelings as I did before I read this post. This will be our first Christmas without our longed for baby girl, who died a year ago, and who was our only child. Thank you for articulating what I have been feeling. I have been dreading Christmas as all I can think of is that she should be here. Praying for you, Molly, as you face another Christmas without your precious daughter.
A friend sent your post, Molly. My family is grieving very fresh pain. We buried my 40 year old sister Thanksgiving weekend. She died suddenly, not knowing she had a health problem. She left behind a husband and 4 year old son, as well as siblings who loved her and parents who adored her. The pain is raw. We are clinging to the hope of the Lord and the assurance we will meet her again in heaven. Last year we spent our first holidays without my father-in-law. The pain of his loss is magnified now. Bless you.
Thank you as always for sharing Molly. It is our fourth Christmas without Gavin. You touch so many people with your transparency. May God bless you and your family this holiday season and always.
Thank you. This is a sorrowful Christmas for me–grieving for a child who is here but not here as he should be, and for another child we never met and now never will until heaven. And it’s the first Christmas of my life that I really can’t see God here anywhere, though I think he should be here. Thank you for sharing this. The song is beautiful.
Thank you, sweet Molly.
I was wedged in and too familiar with each category this Christmas yet truly “somehow there is still joy at Christmas”.
Thanks be to God, our Savior!
Molly,
Your post on grief hit home as I’m spending my first Christmas with our family split from the effects of divorce. It was a difficult time, but knowing what I have lost, I cherished every moment with my precious loved ones. Thank-you for sharing on grief. It needs to be talked about more so people know it is necessary to truly grieve a loss so that we can move forward. Angela from Castle Rock, CO