Jul 17, 2010
Photos for Grieving Families: Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep
My Nana (my great-grandmother), whenever we spent the night at her house, would lead us in our bedtime prayer:
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
God bless Mommy, Daddy, Janae, Preston…
When Orison was born, he got a little stuffed toy that had a very cleaned-up version programmed in when you squeezed it:
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
The angels watch me through the night
And keep me in their blessed sight. Amen.
I remember at the time thinking I didn’t like the cleaned-up version. It felt like it was giving the message of, “Uh-oh, don’t teach kids the d-word.”
It’s an epidemic in our culture from the earliest ages on up–no one wants to talk about death. You’re considered morbid if you think about it, ponder it, plan for it.
Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, the organization
I’ve been wanting to write a post about this organization for months now. I don’t know why it’s taken me this long. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep is a photography organization that captures family moments with their baby who has died or is dying. They have thousands of trained volunteers (professional photographers) who make this happen. And, amazingly, they provide these services for free.
I get quite a few emails from people asking what they should do in the immediate moments surrounding the death of a baby. One of the things I always tell them is: 1. Contact Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep to see if there’s a photographer to go to the hospital. 2. If they’re not available at your hospital, take pictures.
I remember it being a strange decision to take pictures of Felicity. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep wasn’t operating at our hospital back in 2007 (and I didn’t even know about them anyway) so the pictures we have were taken by us and our parents. They aren’t professional, but they’re precious.
When your brain is completely overcome with shock and grief you aren’t thinking about the long-term. You aren’t thinking about how you’ll remember this baby 2 years, 10 years down the road. But you’ll want to remember that baby, and your already-fuzzy brain will grow fuzzier with time. Having pictures of your baby will help reconstruct some of the memories of your time together.
I felt so much pride for Felicity, just like I did with all of my other children. My maternal instincts were very much a part of our time with her, and I felt very, very proud.
I would encourage you to browse their website and see some of the beautiful work they do. Also, NBC aired a heart-wrenching news story back in ’08 about their work. Be prepared to cry pretty hard if this is an issue close to your heart. But it’s worth your time and tears to watch it:
Not sure if it is just me, but no video showing up here, Molly. I’d like to see it. Wish we had thought of this, or had it suggested when we lost our little boy, Kendall.
thank you for sharing this with everyone. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep does such amazing work and this story was truly beautiful.
Molly, that was so, so precious. I’m glad you posted this on your blog. :)
We love NILMDTS! They sent a photographer when our Evie Grace was stillborn. The photographer is now a dear family friend – she even attended and photographed our Hazel’s birth two years later. We are so grateful for this important ministry. The gift of images of our precious daughter are among our most priceless earthly posessions.
Well, that made me bawl. We had a NILMDTS photographer come and take pictures of our daughter. The nurse and our midwife were the ones who told us and in our shock, I didn’t know what to do. I’m so thankful now for those photos, because memories do indeed fade. Especially when those memories are made in a cloud of shock and disbelief. We will cherish those photos forever. I carry them with me and show them to people whenever someone comments on how we have three boys and no girls.
I’m not sure if they mentioned in the video it was all done free of charge in the video and parents are given the photos on a disk to use in whatever way they choose. Our photographer also put the photos together into a montage to music which we used at Felicity’s memorial service. I don’t remember hearing the word “stillbirth/born” either, which I think is very important! I think many people hear that word and think that our babies were deformed in someway. I want that stigma to be removed. My daughter was perfect in just about every way and like you said, Molly, I am and always will be so proud of my daughter!
we wept our way through that video. Beautiful post.
Thank you for sharing this, although I don’t think this hormonal pregnant lady can handle watching the video at this point. NILMDTS is wonderful. When a friend lost her full term baby a few months ago, a mutual friend told me “make sure you tell her about NILMDTS!” When I arrived at the hospital to visit her, I ran into her sister-in-law in the parking lot. The first thing the baby boy’s aunt asked was “do you want to see pictures of him?” My first reaction (mentally) was no! I wasn’t sure if I could handle it. But the look of pride in this aunt was such that I had to respond “I would love to see a picture.” She showed me pictures on her phone of their photo shoot with the professional photographer with NILMDTS. They were beautiful, and hers were amateur shots. In the hospital room, my friend also wanted me to see pictures of her sweet baby boy. This time I was prepared for the question and could immediately respond positively. I still remember the sound of pride in her voice over her baby. I don’t blame her. He was perfectly beautiful.
At the viewing, we saw the professional photos, and they were amazing. I know that they will mean even more to this family as time goes on.
How I wish that our hospital would have known about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep and that I would have been more “with it” to be firmer or ask one of my friends who is a professional photographer to come and take pictures. I treasure the photos we have but wish there were more. The other thing I would tell those with other children who have to say Hello and Good-Bye to their baby,: Have the child(ren) come meet their brother or sister and take a family photo. This was some bad advise that we listened to, not having our, then 2 year old, come and meet his little brother. All he knew is that Mommy and Daddy were sad and that Mommy did not have the baby in her tummy anymore. He sees the pictures but never got to see his Little Brother Micah. Now with our third child coming, he is scared that he will never see this baby either, he is now 4.5. It breaks my heart that we don’t have a family picture that include all of us and never will.
Christine-I know how you feel. When I lost my son I was not ready to see my daugther because she wanted a brother so bad I didn’t know how to tell her. I regreat not having her come up the day he was born. Because I have all these picture’s of my son with me, his dad, my sister and my parents (that my really good friend took for us she is a professional photographer)and none with my daughter meeting her brother..
I first heard about Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep when a seminary friend of my nephew lost their little one. They wrote about it on their blog, O Love That Will Not Let Me Go. Theirs is a touching story as well.
http://www.noahandjulieroberts.blogspot.com/
The foundation does wonderful work.
NILMDTS is a wonderful organization. When we lost our Ethan I was very sick, and that combined with grief took away many of the memories I have of him. If not for the loving, incredibly respectful photographer that came and captured those memories I would not have many. I’m very thankful for an Aunt and social worker who told me about the program and even provided keepsakes for us to use in the pictures. I tell everyone I can about their services along with other organizations who have helped us along the way. Thank you for spotlighting them!
When we lost our first son, Elias, in May of 2008 I’m so glad NILMDTS was recommended to us by North Memorial and pastors at Bethlehem. A photographer came to our hospital room and was so sweet and professional but she also shed tears with us. I have shown these pictures to so many people and God has even used them and our testimony to change the heart of at least one person to understand how perfectly formed even a 22-week-old baby is and how wrong abortion is (you can still abort a baby at that age). These photographers give of their time and emotions to serve families in very hard situations. Thanks for writing about them, Molly.
We were very blessed to have a NILMDTS photographer with us as we spent time with David in the hospital. The photos that were taken that day are listed among my most treasured possessions. I can’t even express how thankful I am, as a mother, for everyone who gives in order to make the work of this organization possible. I’m also passionate about spreading the word because I hope for everyone who might be in need of their services to have access to them.
When we lost our son, the nurses asked if we wanted a photographer to come. I was still in a haze following a c-section, medication, and the shock of him so suddenly being outside of me…and gone. I said ok, but only if it wasn’t too big of an inconvenience! Oh, thank goodness they came. If they hadn’t, we would not have more than a couple of fuzzy cell phone pictures to go with a very fragmented memory. Those pictures got me through so much as the weeks went on. They gave me a chance to know he was in fact ours (since I never saw him come out of me)…to see he had his dad’s profile and my fingers and toes. All those things I never had the presence of mind to recognize in the hospital. They gave me a chance to know my son, and to still be a proud mom to everyone who never got to see him. Six months later, I can see he was in fact real, he existed, he was ours, and then rejoice he is just as real with our Father in Heaven.
I am so grateful for the NILMDTS photographer who took pictures of Tabitha for us, but as Christine wrote above, I too regret not having our son come to see his little sister. And I am so sad we missed the opportunity to have one last complete family picture.
Hey Molly,
I’ve never commented before because I know how many comments you get and how busy you must be. I had to comment this time. A dear friend of mine found out just months ago that she is pregnant with twin girls, one of which has been diagnosed with anencephaly (sp?). The baby will be born with little or no skull and little or no brain. The life span for the baby is very very short, and there’s a chance she could be stillborn. My friend has come across this very organization and has a photographer in her area already on call for their big moment. I’m so glad you shared this with your readers. It’s really something you don’t think about until you are in the midst of it, but pictures of that little one are going to keep her memory alive.
Again, thanks.
I was looking around on the site and noticed that Paul Lorei, your wedding guy, is one of the photogs in Erie. That’s pretty cool
thanks for sharing, I did cry my way through the video and I am not even a mother yet or someone who is pregnant.
this post is so very important to be shared and i’m glad i came acrossed it. i’ve not lost any of my children at birth but know several people who have. it makes me more aware of just how precious those little ones are. and that by God grace and mercy He gives and takes away. it’s hard to understand why this happens but i know i will praise my Savior even more now when i start to complain about something with my child!! thank you so much for posting this molly!!
I have heard many wonderful things about this organization, and that volunteers are the ones who photograph and also color correct/enhance the photos…it really blessed me to hear that perfect strangers would be willing to step into someone’s pain in order to serve them in this way.
Thank you so much for writing about this. I had heard of something like this but never thought much about it. There is even a photographer in our area and I will definitely be telling people about this important memory. Because those babies are real. They are our children.
Thanks for sharing the video-I had not seen it before. We will always be grateful for the pictures Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep took of our daughter. Such sacred memories ~
I try to let others know about NILMDTS. I wish no one would have to go through the death of a baby, and you can never know who will…
I wish we had know about them my daughter was born. I have 4 pictures of her and I am so thankful to have them.
Hi Molly!
This post really tugged on my heart strings today. Our sweet little Jackson Thomas was stillborn on 10/1/09 at 39.5 weeks. We had no idea that he was gone until we got to the hospital. They induced me that night and he was born the next night. I remember the nurses offering a couple of times that day to call a volunteer photographer to come to the hospital once he was born to take pictures of him. My first reaction was ABSOULTLEY NOT. I felt it was invasive and somewhat creepy. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to hold him. Ironically once I held him, I didn’t want to let him go.
Thankfully we did decide to do the pictures, now I regret not taking more. At first, I didn’t allow anyone to see them except for our immediate family. Now, I’ll show them to anyone who will listen. I want people to see how beautiful and precious he was. I am thankful for the nurses encouraging us to take them.
Thank you for writing about this subject! Unfortunately it’s not something they talk about in the millions of classes we all go to before we had our babies.
I have been praying for you and those sweet little twins. You have a story that provides hope for the rest of us! God Bless!
I can’t watch the video, this is still too close. I spent all day today with my dear friend Mitzi who lost her baby 16 days ago. NILMDTS did come, and the beautiful photos of precious, perfect Christian were on display at his funeral.
NILMDTS is the most amazing ministry, and it isn’t even a Christian organization. To volunteer to enter into the pain and do something so precious for strangers during their darkest hour is nothing short of Christlike.
One thing Mitzi told me today was that her photographer told a friend that she never hears back from the parents, which is completely understandable, considering. But of course they become emotionally invested, and want to know that the photos helped. So if someone has had to use NILMDTS or knows someone who did, a little note to the photographer saying how much it meant to you might make their day.
this organization made such a huge difference in our family’s life. so glad that you are helping to spread the word about them.
I’m a photographer in Dallas who volunteers for NILMDTS. Amazing organization. Our daughter died in December 2007 when she was 5 days old. I wanted you to know that photographers from NILMDTS volunteer to also edit images taken by the family or nurses if someone did not get a photographer. Please call me or email me if you would like for me to do that for you.
Christy Lafferty
214-948-4748
legacyportraiture@sbcglobal.net
Thank you for this. My girlfriend and her family experienced the loss of their little girl on Dec 19th. Thank you for being there to take the pictures for them and those who love them to always remember Baby Chloe.