May 10, 2010
I’ve written a little bit since finding out about the twins about how I’m afraid to hope.
One thing I’ve relied on a lot since losing Felicity is letting others hope for me. Seeing their faith and hope helps. It really does.
I think I’ve heard my friend Barbie say over a hundred times during our friendship, “I have great hope for you, Molly.” She’s said it so many times and in so many instances that the tone of her voice, the look on her face are burned into my memory. I need that mental tape to play for me often.
One of the ways I’m exercising hope during this pregnancy is allowing my dear friends to throw a baby shower for me. I was super hesitant about it for a number of reasons:
- I’ve only been to one baby shower since Felicity died. I don’t really do the baby shower circuit anymore.
- This is my 4th pregnancy–who has a shower for their 4th pregnancy? I thought people would think it was weird.
- I didn’t want to get excited (or get a bunch of gifts) and then have them die.
But…I’m moving forward in it. My best friend Danielle designed invitations for the event, and I love them. Even just seeing evidence that this is really happening helped me get excited. Plus, Danielle will be in town for the shower, so I’m thrilled about that!
Here’s the invite that made me so happy:
This design just oozes hope to me, for some reason. Maybe because the person who designed it designed it with deep knowledge of what I was/am opening myself up to in going ahead with a baby shower.
I have no idea how I will fare as the guest of honor. It feels very foreign and scary.
But I’m thankful that there are people willing to come around me and rally my heart in hope and faith and love for my children, no matter how this pregnancy turns out. I need their strength when I feel like I have none. I need their excitement when all I have is fear. I need their joy when sorrow is pressing in.
I need their hope, because hope is a beautiful thing.
* * *
Also, if there was any way to transport all of my supportive, amazing readers into this baby shower, I would do it. So many of you have shared your hope and excitement with me through these years. I would love to see your faces around the circle in that room. Consider yourselves all invited, at least in my heart.