Mar 18, 2010
Many of you already know I’m pregnant.
And for those of you who have come along with me on my journey over the last couple years know that being pregnant carries a bit more extra baggage than it used to for me, since we lost our second child at full term.
Her name was Felicity.
After Felicity, we had Morrow. He’s an amazing baby—Abraham likes to call him perfect—and, though he filled part of the void left by Felicity, he obviously wasn’t a girl. And that was something I desperately wanted.
I knew I couldn’t have Felicity back, but something about having a daughter felt like it would sort of round out my grieving. Not finalize it, but complete it in a way, if that makes any sense.
Well, we went in for our first ultrasound yesterday morning. Both Abraham and I were very nervous. I wanted a girl so bad that I didn’t know how I’d react if it was a boy. And then that terrible feeling was compounded by the guilt I felt for feeling that in the first place.
I ought to be happy with any baby! I know that. I know I shouldn’t expect a replica of my lost daughter.
But there’s a part of me that, no matter what, longs to have a girl in my house with me. I want to teach her to knit.
I laid down on the ultrasound table. The technician and the doctor were both in the room. The technician placed the camera doohickey on my belly and immediately said, “Uh-Oh.”
You wanna know what not to say during an ultrasound?
Uh-oh. Don’t freakin’ say uh-oh.
Then the doctor said it, too…
Now, in reality these two uh-ohs came about two seconds apart and then were immediately explained. But my heart stopped—along with the world.
The immediate explanation came from the doctor: “We’re looking at two babies.”
Abraham jumped up, yelled “Yeah!” and punched the air. I started laughing.
But we still didn’t know whether they were boys or girls. Fortunately, after about 30 seconds, our doctor said, “Twin A is a girl.”
I about melted.
A few minutes later they confirmed that, yes, Twin B is a girl, too.
I’ve never felt happier.
We’re in shock. We’re having twins. They’re girls.
* * *
From this view, we’re looking down on Twin A’s face from a semi-top view, and we’re looking straight down on Twin B, so you can’t see much except that it’s indeed a whole separate baby!
***Many thanks to my amazingly supportive husband for ghostwriting this post for me. I was seriously on the phone all day yesterday and had no coherent brain space left. (Oh, and I wrote this disclaimer, but Abraham agrees that he’s amazingly supportive.)***