May 5, 2008
Always On My Mind
How to Help Your Grieving Friend, Part 9
We got an email a couple months ago from a friend in our church. We don’t see this guy very often; we’re not close friends. But one afternoon we got a message from him saying that as he was painting his bathroom that day, Felicity randomly popped into his thoughts and prompted him to pray for us.
The conclusion he drew from this experience was, “If I’m thinking about her three months later while I’m painting my bathroom, how much more is she still on your minds?”
All I could do was cry and think, “YES! He’s got it.”
Sometimes the Lord sends comfort from a three-year old, sometimes from a close friend, or sometimes, like in this case, from a 40-some-year-old single guy, who we don’t even know that well. (Thanks, Tom!)
So be mindful as the days and months march on for your grieving friend that their loss is in no way over for them.
I know only the title of this song pertains, but she’s always on my mind.
(Read other posts in this series.)
My husband and I read your and Abraham’s blogs all the time. We watch Orison videos on YouTube for a good giggle, and we think of Felicity often. You are on our minds, even though we don’t know you. Thanks for sharing your lives; we will share our prayers.
Comfort and tears came to me this weekend from a near stranger who lost her infant daughter 18 years ago—-”She’s always on my mind and never forgetten in my heart. She would have graduated from high school this spring…..”
It will be 3 yrs. this July that my brother and his wife were killed in a car accident. The loss is more tolerable, I guess, but they are never far off my mind.
Just thought I’d let you know that you are
Always On My Mind, too.
Grieving with you,
~jane
I’m with Jane. I’ve told you this, I know, but I’ll tell you again, you are alwasy on my mind, sister!!! Paying continually.
Thank you Molly for posting this. I have a friend whose 2 year old son died and this post taught me that I should tell her when God brings her Corbin to mind. I’m going to send her an email now. Thank you Molly. I have prayed for you and your family.
because of the cross,
diane
She’s on my mind very often… Especially as I still have her funeral program on the fridge. I know you and Abraham must think of her all of the time as well. Thanks for this reminder!
Not only is Felicity on my mind so frequently, but I still get the urge to buy her something. (I’ll let the readers know the extent of this oddity by admitting that Molly and I didn’t know each other before Felicity was born.) I often think about how relieving it is to wake up to a good reality after a bad dream, but wonder if you have dreams about Felicity that suggest, “Oh, here she is. She’s just fine. We just didn’t look in the mailbox,” or something equally bizarre and hopeful…only to fade back into waking life that she’s really not here. If I’m going to be completely honest, I’ll admit that I’ve spent much of the last seven plus months in a Felicity-daze. My experience is like Tom’s as your loss just weaves in and out of my mind throughout the days. And I know it’s a fraction of what you experience. a tiny fraction.
This is so true. Your precious little one is on my mind often, and I too pray for you throughout my week – as I am a mom at home. I do not know you really, though I met you about 4 years ago at Sam Crabtree’s (love them!) house. Sam did his famous “Happy Song” for us . :] My family is in Mpls and BBC still feels like my home even though I’ve been in a different State for 5 years… I just wanted to share with you as well that my heart hurts when I think of your mother’s heart and your deep loss. I imagine the healing process must feel so heavy at times. I am so thankful for all that you are sharing on your blog, you are a really neat person!!! I intend to continue to pray for you.
You are my sister in Christ!
How true!
Though it’ s been four years since our Janie was born, she’s always in the background of my heart.
It’s good that you’re writing these posts….maybe you can put together a little book??
Thanks for the wisdom.
Leanne in Longview
May 8 will mark the five year anniversary since my mother died of breast cancer. I was 15 years old. I didn’t feel very young when she died, but now that I am twenty and have discovered how little I actually do now, and how much growing up I still have ahead of me, I grieve the loss of my childhood with my mother. She wasn’t there to see me drive off by myself for the first time, or to help me shop for prom dresses. She didn’t help me plan my graduation party, and she won’t be here to help me sift through dating and marriage and motherhood and ministry. I miss her.
I hate cliches, as you will understand, having walked through grief as well. But it is true that as time passes, the memories aren’t so frequent. I think of her at least once a day, but I don’t cry as often. There is still, however, a deep pain that accompanys me…I wonder if it will ever leave, or if I will ever reach a place where I don’t weep for the loss, when I really stop to think about it.
The reason I decided to write, I suppose, was because the Lord has helped me know with all of my heart one specific, beautiful truth: the lovingkindness of the Lord never ceases; his mercies are new every morning.
or, as I like to think of it, every mourning.
may the Lord bring redemption to you, day by day, until the beauty of the story he has written overwhelms your grieving heart.
I remember sitting in church on Sunday morning when they announced your loss. I was 8 months pregnant with Jude and it was all too real. The tears were uncontrollable and I only knew of you, not personally. I still don’t know you or your family personally yet, but too, like Tom, think of you and Felicity and pray for you frequently.
Right on! I was blessed the other day by a friend who told me that not a day goes by without her thinking about my Nicholas and Olivia. I don’t think she knows how much that means to me to know that they’re not forgotten. Thank you for continuing to write this series!
This made my heart hurt for you, Molly. I have many good friends who attend Bethlehem, so while I didn’t know you, I knew of the loss of Felicity.
I’ll continue to pray for you and your family as the Lord brings you to mind (and heart). Your baby is not forgotten. Nor are you.
As we approach the 3 month mark, I think about this as well. I hurt. I grieve every day. I do not truly expect others to feel what I feel or even think of us every day anymore, but it is such a comfort when someone does say something; when someone tells me they haven’t forgotten us or Emmy.
[...] Always on My Mind [...]
Thank you so much for these posts. It was 6 months after we lost our baby that my sister in-law called me in tears to say that she was thinking about us and the baby. It meant so much to me that she had not forgotten us. I appreciate you using your loss to help people understand how to deal with loss – their own, and the losses of others.
It’s been seven years since I lost my Ethan, and just recently a friend came to give me a hydrangea to plant in my garden in his memory! It wasn’t late, it couldn’t have been more timely in fact. It was the day before his seventh birthday.
Molly,
I am new to your blog, and am catching up. My father died when I was six, and this song was his and my Mom’s special song. His best friend sang it at his funeral, and I think of him (and sometimes cry) when I hear it.
We are also two months into raising a daughter with a severe heart defect, and I know how blessed I am when friends (and sometimes strangers) call or email to let us know they are thinking about us.
Thanks for sharing.
God bless you for the help you are offering to others.